A Serious Relationship With a Good Filipina Girl?
This is a guest post from a US expat I met in the Philippines. He comments on this blog as ‘RealGuy’. He’s been living in the Philippines since 2012, and met his long term Filipina girlfriend on an online dating site.
My Long term Relationship with a Filipina Girl
Everyone knows the Philippines is only filled with dumb sluts and it’s impossible to find a nice girl there, right? If you read online forums, it’s easy to get that impression, but I don’t think its accurate.
It may be harder to find them, but there’s some nice girls out there. But even if you do find them, they might not be what you’re looking for. I’ll get to that later.
Why would you want to be stuck in a relationship with a Pinay?
I know you’re probably asking that. Well, long story short, I’ve found I’m generally happier in a relationship. I like sex, but once I’m sated, I tend to find more enjoyment in pursuing my interests, and I prefer to not have to worry about hunting for new pussy or dating.
I liked the feeling of having a new girl when I wanted, but most of them got annoying after sex and after a while the novelty tapered off.
I’m not gonna lie and say everything is perfect, but I can’t think of how things would be much better in my current relationship. I’ve been with the same girl for over a year, and she takes care of all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and we have a lot of fun together.
Temptation for other girls never goes away but overall I can’t think of a time in my life I’ve been this happy.
What makes Filipina Girls unique
I’ve traveled most of Asia, but didn’t date many women outside the Philippines. I was always drawn to the intensity of Filipinas’ emotions. They can be the most loving / happy people, but also the most needy / clingy.
Even though this can be a bad combination to make long term plans over, I wouldn’t write them all off, and for many guys it might be the best thing out there.
I might be different from most guys, so I’m not advocating this life for everyone, but I told Jspill I’d write this in case other guys are interested in pursuing a similar path – a long term relationship with a Filipina.
I would say, it’s probably not a good idea to date anyone seriously here unless you’ve been to the Philippines at least a few times and read all the horror stories. Because everything is based on image, you can easily be thrown off by a girl who does everything right on paper.
I’ve gone through a bunch of phases of elation and disillusionment before I feel I could put together a full picture of the dating scene. I don’t think it needs to be that involved, but at least know what you’re getting in to and avoid seeing everything through rosy eyed glasses if you don’t want to be disappointed.
But all warnings aside, I don’t regret anything about my time living in the Philippines.
Types of Girls in the Philippines
I used to bang randoms in the Philippines, but also had a handful of LTRs. I dated all kinds of women ranging from slum princesses to spoiled models, and some of them could be considered “nice girls”. They can come from different backgrounds, but I noticed a few patterns that apply for most of the good ones.
Nice girls seem to fall into two main camps. On one hand you’ll have the poor, feminine, ultra-selfless hardworking girl. On the other hand, you may also come across responsible upper-class women that might make decent partners. There are issues with both.
The poor girls often bring the baggage of lazy families looking to exploit them, and the rich girls often see feminine tasks like cooking and cleaning below them. So, you might not even want either of them in the long run. But anyway, let’s assume you’re still interested.
Finding a Good Girl
I consider good girls to be those who live a responsible life, are selfless and considerate of others.
Usually it becomes apparent quickly if you’re dealing with someone who is shy to accept big favors and happy to give their kindness freely, or someone entitled and expecting constant maintenance.
While it’s impossible to come up with a measure that applies universally, I think it’s usually easy to tell how someone leans once you’ve spent enough time with them. Many women love to put up an image of these qualities, but few can keep a facade going for a while without showing cracks.
Aside from kindness, another key aspect is self-control. A woman with a long history of choosing bad partners and failed relationships shows bad judgment. Probably the biggest pitfall of dating Filipinas is their lack of foresight and impulsivity.
I’ve dated lots of Filipinas who seemed perfect on paper, only to have their full stories unravel the longer we dated. I would recommend not getting too serious with anyone, and not committing to anything until you’ve been dating them for a couple weeks.
Responsibility is very important in the long term if you want to be with someone you can trust. While at times it can seem like all Filipinas are lazy flakes, there’s actually a good portion of women out there who are responsible and mature.
Often they’re not the hottest ones out there, but you’ll come across some if you meet a range of Pinays.
Meet Different Types of Filipina Girls
When I met my current girlfriend, I didn’t put any filter on who I was meeting. I was matching girls on tinder, messaging girls on dateinasia and filipinocupid, and setting up dates for any opening I had.
I would invite the hiso girls to a nice dinner to test the waters, bang the call center girls after inviting them up to watch a movie, and everything in between. I probably missed some bangs in the process, but it was fun, and it was nice to break up the monotony.
I enjoyed all the time I spent with people, and it gave me a chance to see the differences between different interactions with people, and whether or not I would enjoy them beyond a purely sexual level.
It took me a few dates before my girlfriend ended up in my bed, but by that time I was already bored with the other women out there, and the levels of selflessness she showed was well appreciated in full context.
I wasn’t even looking for a relationship anytime soon, and I wasn’t quick to jump into it, but it became clear pretty quickly which scenario made me happiest.
Finding a Virgin in the Philippines?
The Philippines is a very Catholic country, and sometimes you’ll come across legitimate virgins who are saving themselves for marriage. While this is a rarity in the west, many Filipinos expect it.
While I admire women who can do this, I think this is risky territory for most men. I have dated virgins, but the issue with sex before marriage put way too much unnecessary pressure on the relationship.
If you’re a guy with a conscience, it makes you pressured to try and make it work if you popped her cherry but don’t want to stick with it. To add more complication, many women lie about their virginity to trap guys into commitment.
Of course, it’s up to you, but I’d try to avoid most virgins if you’re hung up over it unless the girl isn’t making a huge deal about it. I prefer women who’ve had a handful of committed relationships over a long time span than a complete virgin, but that’s me.
Where to meet Good Girls
Finally, where to meet them. Well, the issue with good girls is they’re often busy. Many of them are working all week long, and spending the weekend doing chores or going to church. If you’re a normal Westerner, you don’t come into their picture most times.
But many of them are frustrated with the local dating scene – Filipinos have a reputation for leaving their girlfriends after getting them pregnant, or are seen as lazy. I don’t know if all of those stereotypes are fair, and I’ve seen examples to the contrary, but that is what many Filipinas are thinking.
Whether it’s a rationalization or moral justification for them to date men from wealthier backgrounds, I don’t know, but it’s a motivation that pushes some of them on to dating sites.
You may be able to find them during the day, but I’ve found online dating to be easier. Even the sketchy ones have girls who join, stay a few weeks, then leave. A lot of them have friends or relatives who met their future husbands through these platforms, so the women try their luck at it also.
But they don’t stay long. Usually they join, their profile get flooded by sex cam requests, they realize it’s mostly guys trying to bang them and they quit.
So go after the ones who are flagged as new members, exchange Viber contacts, and chat with them. If they quit the site and are still talking with you on the regular, chances are you’re one of their main priorities.
Even though this post is geared towards finding good girls in the Philippines, don’t ever a woman pressure you in to it. Filipinas can be sweet, but they can also be quite demanding and emotionally volatile, always poking for weaknesses in your sense of pity or duty.
If you prioritize your happiness, I don’t think you can go wrong. Do what makes you happy, and if you come across a girl who enhances your life, see where it goes.
But only do it if it’s what you want. I’ve been pretty happy with my life since I met my girlfriend, and I know it might not be for everyone, but it might be the kind of lifestyle that works for you.
Either way, just figured I’d throw out something to think about. Have fun, and see you out there.